just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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