Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
