Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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