this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
