im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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