My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
