Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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