Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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