chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
