Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
