i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
