somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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