I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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