Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
