Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
