they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize