last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
