i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
