She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
