I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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