just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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