pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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