How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
