it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
