I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
