I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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