Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
