addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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