so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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