i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
