Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I look better un-naked...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
