ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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