you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
