not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
