I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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