What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
