I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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