if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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