Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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