you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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