Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
