No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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