? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize