If i come over, it means nothing
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
