I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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