I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
