he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
