Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
