just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
