I got chris browned last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
