Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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