I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
