We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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