I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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