is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize