The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
