Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
