all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
