I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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