Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
