well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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