Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is my gift to your gina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
