Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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