I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
