guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
