This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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