Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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